A day should never pass this earth unless every human soul kneels to give daily thanks to television. As terrorism, pestilence and hatred sweep across the planet, television is there to see it, document it, dissect it, analyze it and finally announce it. Our having to witness this degradation and misery every hour on the hour ordinarily might lead us to mass melancholia, or worse yet, hysteria, were it not for television\u2019s merciful foresight in allowing only beautiful people to deliver the bad news. Or haven\u2019t you noticed? The talking heads, primarily young women, are primarily blond and primarily svelte, with teeth that dazzle and eyes that sparkle. Although they appear to have been recruited from Hugh Hefner\u2019s personnel archives, they surely must be the very top graduates of the top broadcast journalism schools in the land. In the newsroom, at the weather desk, at the sports desk, on the playing field, at the financial desk, at the crime scene and in the courtroom, their honey-tongues and dulcet tones enunciate and articulate so smoothly and so glibly, that we\u2019re dead dog certain they are as endowed mentally as they are physically. And we must admit that beautiful, charismatic people who speak eloquently are smarter, more believable and thus more worthy than, say, homely people. This must be the absolute truth. Otherwise, by now, the National Organization of Women (NOW) would certainly have filed a class-action suit against the broadcast networks for discrimination. By now, Martha Burk would have nailed the entire industry for rejecting ugly women in favor of the self-assured Megyn Kelly and the bevy of her alluring colleagues. Evidently, NOW must have agreed that ugly women do indeed lack the intellect, the speaking skills, the credibility \u2014 perhaps even the work ethic \u2014 to face the nation. NOW must have recognized that television audiences would never swallow words coming from a fat lady with bad hair. The message seems crystal clear. Ugly people \u2014 especially old ugly women \u2014 need not apply as talking heads. The networks don\u2019t want you because the people won\u2019t have you. We want Britney Spear look-a-likes. We want hot looking specimens who never miss a syllable, just as we want political candidates with the gift of the gab, because we the people invariably prefer silver tongues to stout brains. Somehow we have convinced ourselves that how the pretty people talk is more important than what the pretty people say. In any event, despite the evidence that beautiful people are superior in every way, some daring entrepreneur should establish a television news network that hires the brainiest, most articulate, but most physically unappealing people on the planet. If you like, call it UGH!TV. Waddya think? If the programming content and substance of this new network were first-rate, wouldn\u2019t we accept second-rate looks? Not a chance. Well, there\u2019s always radio.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A day should never pass this earth unless every human soul kneels to give daily thanks to television. As terrorism, pestilence and hatred sweep across the planet, television is there to see it, document it, dissect it, analyze it and finally announce it. Our having to witness this degradation and misery every hour on the … Continue reading There’s Always Radio.<\/span>