We’ve got the God thing all wrong. No other explanation makes sense. To be fair, recorded history proves that human beings have had quite a long time to sort things out. We can’t say we’ve been in the dark, can we? We can’t say we haven’t had the chance to see what works and what doesn’t. We can’t blame our silly behavior on not knowing the score. Like Martha Stewart, we know everything. We know everything and have everything we possibly could want. We have dominion over the earth. But having it, we nonetheless are hell bent to repeat the same tired mistakes — from individual to individual, family to family, race to race, nation to nation, era to era. Wouldn’t you agree that our dismal human performance defies all logic? Yes indeed. Until you grasp a staggering, perhaps scurrilous supposition. God isn’t perfect. There. It’s said. What a relief. If you had uttered those words before the 20th century, you would have been hanged or beheaded (if you were lucky). But now you can stop beating yourself up. Now you can get off that guilt trip because you will never measure up. Consider this — you were made in His Image. Unquestionably, image must represent a lot more than simple physical appearance. If this conclusion is valid, and why wouldn’t it be, you are much closer to God than you think. Then consider something else. He may not be alone. He may be one of hundreds, or thousands or millions of other Deity. Maybe, beyond human comprehension, there exists a massive God–filled dimension. Maybe our Master is COO of Earth Properties. Maybe those we call Pagans had it right all along. They appealed to reason, searching for clues to their own absurd conduct. They envisioned Gods at war, Gods competing with Each Other. Gods struggling with Their own cans of worms. Jealous Gods, permissive Gods, heroic Gods, mean Gods, proud Gods, stuffy Gods. This theory, banished as heresy, suddenly gets us off the schnide. We suddenly understand why and how the material world has changed, but the human race has remained immaculately static. Despite every advance in science and technology, despite every material achievement, human behavior has remained irrevocably fixed. Stuck in time. From day one. We delude ourselves into believing that, unlike the rest of earth’s creatures that are manipulated by instinct, we alone possess cognitive powers to choose, improve and regulate our behavior. What unmitigated bunk. We are no more in control of life’s equation than the lowliest slug burrowing in the dark, wet mire. We behave as we do because, like salmon that swim upstream against all odds to lay their eggs, we simply cannot behave in any other way. We are predestined — genetically engineered to act out our little lives as direct descendants of the God that created us. We are as predictable as the movement of the heavens, as constant as the tides, as infallible as gravity itself. Logically, therefore, it must be true that we mimic the One who made us. So He’s not perfect. So He made a few mistakes. It’s not the end of the world. And, anyway, no other explanation makes sense in a nonsensical world.