It’s a rainy day. Ahh, sweet, sweet rain. Everything that grows looks up and says, “Thank you God; we were so dirty, so thirsty.” They show their delight. Blossoms perk up joyfully; all things green gets greener; the earth sighs gratefully; the air itself breathes a musky perfume. Face it. Your cynicism doesn’t come easy on a day such as this. But then you make the mistake of giving in to a deadly addiction. You could strip and stand naked in the rain. You could paint the garage. You could read — anything. You could volunteer to help at a dozen places. You could trim your nose hair. Instead, you surrender. You plop down and pick up the remote and allow yourself to wallow with that malignant narcotic we call — TV. This is what addiction is all about. You knowingly and willingly participate in “activity” that no self–respecting robot would stomach. You shudder to realize that you devote over 10 full years of your lifetime — approximately 90,000 hours — as a sponge, sucking up (and God help you, paying for) abject drivel. Time out. You’re thinking TV is not all garbage. Okay, let’s be kind and generous. Let’s say 10% of programming has true entertainment value, artistic integrity or meaningful purpose. Multiply the dividend by the square root of X to the 5th power and divide by Y and you can feel liberated knowing you devote only 9.2 years of your precious existence lapping up broadcast swill. Intellectually, you know television is just short of worthless; yet you give it prominence in your home and dominion over your life. You worship it at first light and last waking thought. You can’t do without it. At the fitness center. In the restaurant. In the hotel room. You listen to talk shows as if celebrities and talking heads have more insight, greater brainpower and loftier opinions than your own. You realize that the dumbing down of America — culturally, morally and educationally — is largely television driven. Yet you do nothing about it. Here’s a thought. Boycott TV for one week. Tell your friends to live one measly week without it. Not one second of airtime. Tell them to tell their friends. Hold on, Clyde, this is one powerful drug you’re talking about. Imagine the pain. Imagine life without television. Nobody to hear politicians lie. Nobody to hear talking heads butcher the English language. Nobody to watch celebs bask in their self–importance. Nobody to witness second–rate programming and pathetically boring advertising. Imagine America the Beautiful without TV for 6 months. Imagine what you could do with 10 more years of life. Imagine.

You’re trying to pick a presidential candidate. Maybe once in your life, you’ll put aside your lifetime prejudices. Fat chance. Nonetheless, here’s a wrinkle. Pretend you own this great US of A. You want a CEO who can save it from going down the tubes. You tell yourself it’s not a bad idea to find someone who’s qualified to handle the toughest job (except for weatherman) in the universe. “Let’s see,”you muse, “football coaches have to be winners; brain surgeons have to make it past chemistry lab; ergo, THE PRESIDENT should have some proven ability.” How shrewd of you. Your cunning, penetrating mind makes a decision — you will collect resumes and compare them. If school boards can review 50 resumes to hire a superintendent of schools, maybe you can knock yourself out to review 8. All you need do is check it out — the credentials, the accomplishments — the facts — of eight lives already lived (for the most part). There’s no mystery. You know the cast of characters — H. Clinton, J. Edwards, M. Huckabee, R. Giuliani, J. McCain, B. Obama, R. Paul and M. Romney.

Clinton: Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton is 60. Graduate of Yale Law School. Chicago born. Was a high school national merit finalist. Graduate of Wellesley. In 1974, was member of Nixon impeachment inquiry staff. Became partner in Arkansas Rose Law firm in ‘79. Was First Lady when hubby Bill was Governor. Was on Wallmart and other corporate boards. Was First Lady during Clinton White House tenure. Major political initiative was a governmental health plan that failed to interest Congress. Was the first First Lady subpoenaed — for Whitewater scandal. Gained more notoriety during Lewinsky scandal. Moved to NY and elected US Senator in 2000. Supported the Iraq war, then decided not to support it.

Edwards: Johnny Reid Edwards, 54, an American politician born in SC. Was a football star in high school. Attended Clemson, transferred to NC State and earned a law degree (with honors) at Chapel Hill. Clerked for a federal judge and worked for a couple of law firms. Won first malpractice suit in NC and found his niche. He sued American Red Cross three times. Sued physicians and hospitals. Filed at least 20 malpractice suits with verdicts of over $60 million. Opened his own firm with a partner and became known as top plaintiff lawyer in NC. Became a one–term US Senator before running for President in 2004 and that year was Kerry’s running mate. Since, he has worked at One America, a political action committee. Wrote Four Trials about his legal career. Supported the Iraq War (then recently changed his mind).

Huckabee: Michael Dale Huckabee is 52. Arkansas Governor from 1996–2007. Ordained Baptist minister, public speaker, musician and well–known for losing 110 pounds. Born in Hope, was elected Boy’s State Governor and president of Hope High School. Was graduated magna cum laude from Ouachita Baptist University. Dropped out of Southwestern Theological Seminary after one year. Worked for TV evangelist James Robeson, was pastor of several churches, president of a religious TV station and president of the State Baptist Convention. Won a narrow victory for Lieutenant Governor and became a thorn in the side of Governor Jim Guy Tucker. Won his US Senate seat in 1996 but quit to fill the unexpired term of Tucker who had resigned.

Giuliani: Rudolph William Louis Giuliani, 63, lawyer and politician from NY. Former two–term NYC mayor. Served in the US Attorney’s office for the NY Southern District and eventually became US Attorney. After leaving office, founded his own company, practiced law and consulted. Attended Catholic schools and Manhattan College. Foregoing the priesthood, he earned a law degree, cum laude, from NYU. Clerked for a judge. Joined the US Attorney’s office in 1970. A lifelong Democrat, he changed his affiliation during the Reagan years. Under Reagan became Associate Attorney General and later came to prominence by prosecuting Ivan Boesky and Michael Milken for insider trading. Again returned to private practice before winning the mayoral election in his second try, in 1993. Took worldwide center stage on 9–11, universally praised for his handling of the crisis.

McCain: John Sidney McCain III, 71, senior senator from Arizona. Father and grandfather were navy admirals. Went to Annapolis and finished 5th from the bottom in class rank. But lack of distinction didn’t keep him out of a naval cockpit. On his third mission in Vietnam, he was shot down, captured and endured torture as a POW for 5–1/2 years. When he retired from the navy, he entered politics and has been in public office since. Served two House terms, was elected to the senate in 1986, re–elected in 1992, ‘98 and 2004. In the 80’s, he survived the Keating Five scandal. Major political initiative was co–authoring McCain–Feingold Campaign Finance Reform Bill. In 2000 and 2004, he ran for and lost presidential bids.

Obama: Barack Hussein Obama, 46, junior senator from Illinois. Born to a Kenyan father and American mother, he lived his boyhood in Hawaii and Indonesia. Graduate of Columbia U. and Harvard Law School. Became the Harvard Law Review’s first black president in its 104–year history. Completed his degree magna cum laude in 1991. Worked as a community organizer in Chicago, a college lecturer and civil rights lawyer, before election to the Illinois senate in 1997. Failed to make the US House in 2000 and launched his bid for the Senate in 2003. Delivered the keynote address at the 2004 Democratic Convention and was elected that year to the Senate. Three years later, announced his presidential bid.

Paul: Ronald Ernest Paul, 72, physician and congressman from Texas. Grew up on a farm outside of Pittsburgh, worked at a dairy, delivered papers, worked in a drugstore and became a milkman. Excelled in track and field, wrestled, played baseball and football and was student council president. Worked his way through Gettysburg College. After 1961 graduation from Duke Med School, became an Air Force Flight Surgeon during the Vietnam era. Later, served in the Air National Guard while completing his OB–GYN residency at the University of Pittsburgh. Moved back to Texas and delivered more than 4000 babies. His practice in Brazoria County refused Medicare and Medicaid payments and he often worked pro bono. Former Libertarian candidate for President, was the first member of the House to propose term limits and other congressional reforms. Has served in the House from 1976–77, 1979–‘85 and 1997–present, while continuing to practice medicine.

Romney: Willard Mitt Romney, 60, American businessman and politician from Michigan, 70th governor of Massachusetts. First interest in politics was joining father in pro–civil rights marches. After high school, attended Stanford for two quarters and spent 30 months as a missionary. Later, became valedictorian at BYU. In 1975, graduated cum laude with joint MBA and law degrees at Harvard. Became Baker Scholar for finishing in the top 5% of class. Became president of Bain & Company. Resigned to co–found Bain Capital. Led firm to unprecedented success, left and returned in 1990 when Bain faced financial ruin. As CEO, returned company to profitability. In 1998, left Bain to be CEO of struggling Olympics facing a $380 million loss and scandal. The games ended up clearing $100 million. Gave the committee $1 million gift and donated salary to charity. When he became Governor, MA faced $3 billion deficit. By 2006, the state had $700 million surplus. Ran against Ted Kennedy in 1994 and lost by the tightest margin of Kennedy’s nine elections.
OK, you haven’t met these people. Based on only facts, who has the nuts to run your country, hmmmmn? Unsure? Hollywood and Media will set you straight. Surely, you’ll pick one clearly best qualified to run the biggest organization in the universe, right? Fat chance.

The doorbell rang. Mrs. Watson hurried to the door, two-year-old Freddie hot on her heels as always. It was the postman. As his mother took delivery of a special package and fumbled for a pen to sign the receipt, Freddie peeked happily around her skirt at the heavy brown shoes, blue uniform trousers, and up, up at … “Hey, you don’t have fingers,” he yelled. Mom blanched. The postman grinned. Over her stumbling apology, he said kindly, “Well, sonny, you’re right, I lost three of my fingers in a fire.” Freddie wasted no time. He knitted his eyebrows, pursed his lips and deepened his voice to the extent his budding vocal chords would allow. “Smokey Bear say, don’t play with matches.” In his book The Wizard of Ads, Roy Williams writes “the risk of insult is the price of clarity.” Thankfully, political correctness hasn’t invaded the heads of little people who still tell it like it is. Advertisers could take a lesson from Freddie. Most of them travel with the herd, avoiding clarity. Timidly, they hedge and side-step, preferring to speak in generalizations, finding comfort in euphemisms and the “dead words” of advertising. Smokey didn’t say, “Please avoid any activity that could have a combustible outcome.” Smokey was explicit. And even a two-year-old remembered.