Bankruptcy:Polite Larceny

Some scholars make a living in top-secret labs studying the unexplainable. They delve into paranormal events, into bizarre behaviors, into supernatural phenomena. They conduct experiments to shed light in a world of dark imaginings. For the rest of us mortals, if we’re interested in the realms of abnormality and aberration, all we need do is pick up a newspaper and read about the airline industry. There, in plain sight, we find verifiable lunacy, alive and well and walking among us, like The Shining’s Jack Torrance, staggering the corridors of The Overlook, muttering gibberish. But at least Torrance was genuinely possessed and clinically insane. Can an entire industry suffer from dementia? Can a global business be subject to mass psychosis? Evidently. What other explanation can there be for such deviance, such absurdity. Witness the insanity. Every flight going to every destination is chock full. Like migratory flocks, travelers swoop into airports to feed and fly to all manner of destinations, grateful for a place to buckle up. 767 to Honolulu. Full. Shuttle to Buffalo. Full. 777 to Hong Kong. Full. Pick a flight, any flight — say, to the Mongolian capital of Ulaanbaatar. Yep, full up. You get the picture. Sure you do. Because you see it first-hand every time you queue up through airport security and finally wedge yourself into 23E. Why then, you ask yourself, is the industry going to rot? When did bankruptcy become a fad? Isn’t a sold-out plane good for business? What’s missing in our friendly skies? Being of sound mind and skilled in 5th grade arithmetic, you boldly deduce that US Despair is losing more money than it makes. If this assertion is true, why, it must mean one of two things. Either the price to fly is too low or the cost of flying is too high. It must be the cost, you surmise brilliantly. You consider the obscenely posh amenities like deluxe pretzels, plush pillows and state-of-the-art plastic cups. Another culprit could be the backlog of frequent flyer bonus miles finally come home to roost. That must be it — nobody pays to fly. Or the crisis could have something to do with flight crews working three-day weeks for full weeks’ pay. But that’s not all, is it? You can’t ignore skyrocketing fuel costs, impossible weather events and union walkouts. Let’s face it. Costs are rising faster than a Levitra-induced erection. The industry’s cure for this rampant growth in overhead? Cut fares across the board. Cut the Saturday night requirement. Create even greater demand for aircraft already clogged with humans who impersonate cattle very well, thank you. Sell it for less and less and lose more and more income. Has the word “schizoid” crossed anyone’s mind yet? Or to put it more gently, as Andy Dufresne put it to Warden Samuel Norton, “How can you be so obtuse?” The question sits there, begging for attention. And then your light finally comes on. During bankruptcy protection, plenty of people make plenty of money. Bankruptcy is, after all, a strategy, not insanity. Bankruptcy is polite larceny. Certain people get rich; others get raped. Bailed out by Uncle Sam, the industry will make like Gladys Knight and “keep on keepin’ on.” It has to. Sure, some people get screwed. Thousands of stockholders, suppliers and employees get the shaft. Meanwhile, undaunted by insolvency, the industry plans to roll out new aircraft that hold twice the number of passengers as ever before. Now you can take your place among the 500 souls that will fit into a single jetliner . . . uh, that is, if you can wangle yourself a seat.

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