If you survive long enough, getting old is life’s ultimate joke. Optimists and other cheery souls will be quick to disagree with this cynical view. They will cite a myriad of scintillating benefits that accompany the “golden” years. Hmmm, what could those be? Senior citizen discounts at I-Hop have to rank at the top. The courtesy parking slot at the mall comes in handy. Think about the hundreds of state and federal agencies devoted to the Aging. What a relief it is to have AARP, Medicare and Medicaid in your corner. Is anything more rewarding than reliving your youth babysitting with the grandchildren? And never forget the warm, secure feeling of knowing that a “retirement country club” is out there somewhere waiting for you to eventually check in, cozy up to the buffet and wait for God. Where’s the Glock, Matilda? In reality, getting old is recoiling in shock when the bored I-Hop waitress takes one look at your sagging face, assumes you’re stone deaf and yells at you. Getting old is being called a “dirty old man” for overtly lusting after a tight tush. Getting old is being portrayed on TV commercials as feeble imbeciles — addle-brained geriatrics cavorting and cackling like juvenile loonies. You begin to get the picture when you realize you’re no better than an old car — every day something else breaks and you have to fix it to keep it running. To make matters worse, you begin to accept the idea that you’ve done your duty and now you’ve earned the right to be utterly useless. You make leisure the centerpiece of your life, as if having no purpose were an achievement. Listen up, old people. Here’s a free idea that can bring meaning to your life and simultaneously transform society.. Everyone over the age of 60 — men and women alike — should comprise the combat-ready Armed Forces. That’s right, old people should fight our wars. No one under the age of 60 would be allowed on the field of battle. Young people need to be at home, with a chance to live their lives, work, have babies and build a better society. Meanwhile, old people suddenly have something useful to do. They suddenly have purpose. They suddenly discover a way to die with dignity and honor, instead of wasting away in suffocating institutions. With this idea, social security becomes a non-issue and the massive tax outlay for the aging society disappears. Children will get their inheritances sooner, enabling them to strengthen their families and build even more wealth. And when these generations reach the age of 60, they automatically leave the private sector for mandatory duty in the military. Old people can fight. Millions upon millions of them are physically-fit enough to learn anything, fly anything, drive anything and shoot anything. If life has to be a joke, let’s have the last laugh by going out in a blaze of glory.